Thursday, September 25th, 2003
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9:00 pm
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I just wish i knew and it kills me that i dont, but would it even matter if i did?
current mood:  confused
current music: Nirvana-You know ur right
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Sunday, September 21st, 2003
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12:35 pm - Tribute
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He had so long to live
Such a bright future left
Touching lives of everyone
His life to others a gift
And then one night
Just in a split second
His gift was gone
Never again in sight
WHy would this happen
How to this kid
So many lives he's touched
Last night showed he will be missed
Tweleve thirty rolls around
Still nearly 300 people still there
Tears strolling everywhere
Everyone feels so bare
When it hits this close
You know that no one is safe
It could have been you
IN the car full of smoke
After seeing all my friends crying
Breaking down from the loss
All i can wonder
Is what is the cost
I wish he could see all the people
Beating off the cold
I wish he could see all the people
Breaking against the mold
Everyone coming together
Goths and jocks alike
For once ive never seen it
We were all there to unite
Too bad it was over something like this
IM just sorry you werent there
I just hope people remember
All of the memories when u were here
So please
Rest in piece
And remember that while your gone
Your never forgotten
RIP Tyler Richards
current mood: remorse
current music: Switchfoot-Meant to Live
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Thursday, September 18th, 2003
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6:36 pm - Havent written one in awhile
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Alone again
Staring at the walls
The blood drips off my hands
I cry as it falls
I never wanted to be like this
I never wanted to hurt like this
I dont wanna be
I dont wanna see
I just wanna feel
Like the way u do
How alone do u have to feel
UNtil u realize u never are
How crazy must u act
Before u become urself
Ive paid my dues
Ive done my time
And as i watch it drip
IM still asking why
Why must i still waste away
Why must i still grasp for the way
I dont know what will come and go
I dont know who will stay
As long as i feel the death
It wont matter anyway
There are times when we all feel blue
And that we cant be saved
Others say we have times when its clear
Clear to them of what lays before
I know that no body knows
I dont know what it is i fear
Is it the closeness you bring
How u make me feel alive
Or is it the love
That my friends feed me everyday
Do i fear my dreams
THat they will never come true
Or that all of my nightmares
The demons that lay beneath the surface
Do i fear the scares
That they will become my life once again
What ever happens will happen
I just wish i knew what the f**k is goin on inside me
current mood:  depressed
current music: Finch-Three SImple Words
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Saturday, September 6th, 2003
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12:19 am
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Yeah, so just got home from work and i gotta be up at 7 for baseball in the morning. now the question for the night is..........too sleep or not to sleep, that is the question.....eh, who needs sleep haha. so anyways, im really freakin bored with no one online, this sux. so i have nothing left to say except that still, being confused sux the big one, so ill leave you all alone.
current mood: bored
current music: All American Rejects-Your Star
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Thursday, September 4th, 2003
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4:11 pm
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I hate being confused, but at least i have so much crap going on that it isnt bringing me down to much. oh well, anyone wants to come to my baseball game on saturday let me know. its at 9 in the morning and is a double header. have a good night everyone.
current mood: confused
current music: The Used- Choke me
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Monday, September 1st, 2003
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10:11 pm
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Hello all. Just got back from Wisconsin for the weekend.....wow i miss it there. Everything is so calm and peaceful, even the drivers there dont care if u cut them off, its crazy! Yeah, it made me realize how much i wanna just go out and meet new people so that not everyone in your city knows who u are. But oh well, i got a year before that happens, until then i guess i just gotta make the best of this year. But yeah, had a wedding to go to, got trashed with my uncle (what a funny mo fo), and other crazy sh*t happened but that will stay with me haha. later ya'll see ya at school.
current music: All American Rejects-Your Star
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Wednesday, August 20th, 2003
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2:32 pm
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So the first day of school............fun stuff. summer is over and thank god for that. i hate it when u have a sh*tty summer. oh well, at least there were some people to make it better, i woulda been trucked if there hadnt. Ive actually got a lot of people in my classes. maybe this year will be better than the last three but then again i prolly shouldnt hold my breath. im off to play some euchure, so later yall
current music: buch-machine head
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Monday, August 11th, 2003
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10:04 am - Schedual(i cant spell)
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1st-Parctical law w/Miller c105
2nd-Ap Psych w/ Kowalczyck b204
3rd-INt Relations w/ Hiscoe b205
4th-College Read w/ Hamilton b106
5th Ap US w/Brandon d105
6th-Pre Calc w/Schrader D200
If anyone ahs a class wit me let me know
current music: Taking back Sunday-You know how i do
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Sunday, August 10th, 2003
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1:38 pm
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Its closing time for the summer.......wow, its funny of how im thinking now. If you think about it, this was our last summer. Next summer will be all about getting ready for college or working up enough money for college and grad parties for us, not for our older friends. I dont want summer to end, I dont want school to come and i dont want it to end cause that will mean the end of friendships, the end of seeing random people that you know everywhere just about. On the other hand, with every end comes a new beggining. Who knows what this year will bring all i know is that im gonna try to make it my best and you should all do the same. talk to people you never thought you would cause they might have something you never thought they did. Do things you never thought youd do because this year will only last for a year but crazy sh*t memories last forever. Make fun of me if you want for this sentamental crap i really could care less cause for all i know this could be the last year i ever see you.
current mood:  contemplative
current music: Taking Back Sunday-Cute without the e
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Saturday, July 19th, 2003
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12:49 pm
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Lollapalooza was the freakin sh*t. got woken up at greg Ratliffs house to be told that ive got free tickets to go if i wanted to. unfortunatley i couldnt find anyone else that wanted to go but it was quite alright cause it rocked the house. INcubus and Audioslave definatly rocked the house. Queens of the stone age and rooney were pretty good too but we didnt stay for janes addiction. All in all it was pretty dam fun. on a side note, never have i seen so many potheads in such little time (who do you know that can go through 3 bowls in five minutes?!) INcubus had to stop one of their songs cause i fight broke out, it was funny. alright, im out, hope you all had a fun day yesterday.
current mood:  busy
current music: Double Drive-IMprint
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Sunday, July 13th, 2003
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11:56 pm
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Should I or Shouldnt I
I see your face and i start to shuder
Feelings inside i can no longer render
How much longer can i hide this face
How will i know if u think im a disgrace
TO tell you these feelings deep inside
Or to let them linger and always hide
If only i knew what you thought of me
If only you knew what i could see
So tell me what should i do
SHould i test my luck with you
Or shouldnt i for what itll ut me through
Thats the question of tonight
SHould I or shouldnt I
Eatin me up inside i dont know what to do
For another feeling in my head another subdues
More doubts exchange for those reassuring
No more thoughts are ever concurring
So maybe im missing my last chance at something great
Maybe all i need is to smoke another eigth
Forget all about this stupid sh*t
And move on to another that isnt therefor it
So the question for the night is answered
Should i keep it bottled inside
Or shouldnt i since itll eat away till i cry
So Ill write this song to get out
That youve missed your last chance and goodbye
current mood:  aggravated
current music: The USed- THe Taste of ink
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Saturday, July 12th, 2003
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12:42 am
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crazy times........rams horn at 2 in the morning one night, farmer jacks and dunkin doughnuts at 4 another night, almost kitting killed by stupid drivers that really werent stupid........crazy sh*t.........fun stuff. well, ill talk to most of ya'll later.
i dont miss u at all
current mood:  crazy
current music: Metallica-Master of Puppets
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Sunday, July 6th, 2003
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10:10 pm
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Follow me into this smokey room
Just sit down with the bottle of booze
Let it sit until u forget
All the feelings in your head
Then ull realize your true friends
Even though their gone now and then
They always come back when your down
Even when nothing bad is around
Like those that feel like their gonna die
When the worst thing they have is another lie
But theyve got everything else
Even if its not too much wealth
So when ur head is feeling gone
And uve been thinking way to long
Just let yourself go into the abyss
And see who offers the risk
Of trying to get you the f**k out
Then youll realize what life is about
ANd theres sh*t worth living for
And there are those whod give damed more
Just to see that smile arise
Even when there is no surprise
So when ur head comes back from the daze
Maybe youll find all those that youd praise
As few as there may be
At least there are some that you can see
current mood:  content
current music: DoubleDrive-IMprint
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Thursday, July 3rd, 2003
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11:57 pm
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I dunno what the f**k is wrong with me. I was actually happier when i was grounded and everyday since then has friggen sucked. maybe i should just light up in front of my mom so i can be grounded for the summer, that way i wont feel bad or let down or anything. i wont havve a reaqon to. oh well, another summer of feelin like sh*t, anyone else wanna come join my club??
current mood: depressed
current music: Darwins Waiting Room
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Wednesday, July 2nd, 2003
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12:37 pm
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i do believe summers are ove - , but thats just me
current mood:  drained
current music: DoubleDrive-Imprint
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Monday, June 30th, 2003
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12:29 am
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I thought id get ungrounded and id get even happier cause id get to see my friends and everything...and yet.....here i am again, sitting in the cold letting the air burn through my chest feeling it ice away at everything in me. its like the harshness almost soothes me, lets me know that im always wrong and lets me know tghat its always my fault. so here it goes again, plunging me into the dead spot. i cant help but always fall back into this state of mind, even when i know nothing is f**king worng and its rfeally p*ssing me off!! y cant i jsut be normal and not have to feel like i wanna die every f**kin 5 minutes? why cant i not love the feeling of pain even when i know it hurts?!? why cant i find someone and be able to keep them close instead of moving on from person to person like im some sort of parasite? maybe thats what i am, ima f**kin parasite, leaching onto the thoughts of others until ive realized i cant do anything but make them miserable........ah f**k it, no one wants to here this sh*t anyways, sorry for the b*tching
current mood: depressed
current music: Flaw-My letter
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Saturday, June 28th, 2003
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10:43 pm
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I hear it fading
I cant speak this
I see it wading
More of this sh*t
Its out to get me
Drown me in the flood
Its out to kill me
Drown me in my blood
And now we cant be
Cause of something i cant see
And now we wont alst
Casue of something in the past
So now i sit and wait
A life that is to end
So now i sit and contemplate
A thought that will not mend
I wasnt the only one
I could tell by your voice
Thoughts of death by the ton
This would be my choice
And now i wont be
Caused by the thought i cant see
And now i cant last
CAuse of my past
current mood: crappy
current music: who cares
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Wednesday, June 25th, 2003
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10:49 pm
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4 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours cant be good haha. im like dying and yet i cant sleep, its terrible!!! oh well, have fun everyone that isnt grounded, and the girls name is caitlin in the poem so yall dont gotta be askin me the questions anymore. later
current mood:  tired
current music: The Verve-Bittersweet Symphony
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Tuesday, June 24th, 2003
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9:49 pm
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Here we go again
Shes more than a friend
Shes more than i deserve
Her beautiful curve
All i know is this
I dont even need a kiss
I dont need her body
Or that shes a hotty
I just love the way
She makes me stay
So happy and at peace
When ive been sad for weeks
So please god all i want
Is for this to fail me not
Casue shes all i need
No more looking to weed
Or all the other sh*t
Cause shes my perfect drug
I want to hear her voice
I just dont want her to leave
Theres just something about her
That makes me weak in the knees
laugh if you want
Tease if you may
But i dont give a sh*t
just as long as this smile stays
current mood: peaceful
current music: Telsa- Love song (dl it, its a quality song, right dave?ha)
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Monday, June 23rd, 2003
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10:32 pm
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why is everything so f**king hard for me
something always gets in the way
More time to sit and stare for me
More time to wonder why i am this way
Cant find anything around this time
I feel like i missed my ride again
Another story line for a f**ked up rhyme
Been so long that i cant help but pretend
Its getting hard to fake the smile
This mask is starting to get small
The inner me is breaking the dial
Everyone can see that i cant stop my fall
Thats not what i want you to see
Someone you might actually worry about
This isnt who i want to be
A kid who is still afraid to shout
And speak his mind to the world
Cause hes afraid of what you would think
All I want is to find the f**kin cure
So i can stop thinking and just speak
To tell you how i feel
Tell you all who i am
Without this crazy spiel
Of how im worthless
I cant be worthless
I cant be nothing
THen id have people that didnt care
Then i wouldnt be writting this for people to read
So f**k this sh*t
This dam feelin needs to leave
pack its bags and get the f**k up out here
Cause im starting to see
All i can be
But its still a cloud
As if it isnt allowed
to think its alright
TO be able to sleep at night
To be able to get through one day
with something good to say
instead of no good thoughts
except my funeral shots
So get these thoughts out of my head
And forget what was already said
Just need something to help instead
INstead of wishing i was dead
So laugh at what i do
Or mock what i smoke
I figure whatever makes me through today
So i dont stop on yesterday
current mood:  cold
current music: A perfect circle-THree Libras
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vikingsk8er42's journal